"Not your type"

Rainy night. Sappy love songs and completely all alone in a double storey house. Perfect ambiance to think of LOVE. I was supposed to finish my Land Law assignments but I just couldn't bring myself to do it without completing this post. The other day (21st October), I tweeted, " 11 blog posts dedicated to you and still counting. Let's see how long can you last this time". The irony was, few days later (25th October) I tweeted, " I think I'm losing interest". It only take me merely a couple of days to get over certain feelings. I begin to doubt myself whether am I capable of handling a real and serious relationship. Or am I merely a wild girl in heart and in appearance? Everywhere I go, it seems that I have the label, "Wild Girl On The Run" hanging on my neck. They just seems to know what is going to happen or how my life evolve. I wish to tell them they are wrong. But no matter how much I explained, that impression seems to be haunting me forever. I guess it is true after all. Even my emotions are wild and they have a life of their own. I can't seem to hold onto my interest for a long time. When I finally get to know someone, or even get comfortable, I won't be pursuing that person anymore. It's like a road block and I have to u-turn back to my old feelings. People say two opposite sexes can't remain as bestfriends. I beg to differ. It's wrong.

Last night I couldn't sleep as I was pondering what went wrong or what turned me off and I couldn't figure it out. I went to BBM Sik Soon and Whatsapped Clement. Ha! Guy friends are meant to help me solve guy problems. Lol... and they seem to point to one thing, "Not your type". As if I haven't heard of that before. I had a catchup session with Iona where we bitch about boys and every single thing that is happening in our life. She, apparently also said, "Not your type". But I was on my defensive mode and said, "I'm gonna try and make it happen". Few days later, and that mode just died off. Even today I can't clear head off and every now and then I was being slightly paranoid so I Whatsapped my bestie. She had been listening to my rants since 2007 and still is! Lol... and guess what, she had said "Not your type" since the first time she saw the photo of the guy. She kinda figured it out that I will lose interest like any other guy I used to know. I kinda hate this feeling. I can't make myself persevere or maybe sappy love crushes are meant to be like this. Sweet for a while and then the rest are just history and if we are lucky, things will hit off. Or else, we'll just remains friends. I cleared my head for a little while and told myself, it's best to let go. But a little sound in my heart said NO. Ladies, full of emotions and a bagful of whines. We are so in touch with our emotional sides and we often misinterpret the actions of the man. I need an analyzer to help me with my emotions. I have the ability to adore a man for 8 years and also for just 8 weeks. How awesome am I? I have no idea if this is a good thing. For now, I'll just take a deep breath, close my eyes and wish that it will never happen again. Mixed up emotions are the worst thing to happen to me. I don't handle them well.Maybe I should set a deadline like my relationships with shopping. If you keep on thinking about it, you might still want it. If it is still there, it's yours. That's my shopping motto. Well, applicable for love I guess. I better stop listening to Lifehouse, "You and Me" and let's pump up the volume to La Roux. "Bulletproof". Tata my love!